terça-feira, 28 de julho de 2009

why i never bought a hatebreed cd

queria postar essa parada faz tempo, mas sabendo que ninguém ia ler, nem se interessar, nem perder seu tempo lendo em inglês, sempre acabava desistindo. mas enfim, fodas-e, o lance é genial. ta aí:

"Why I never bought a Hatebreed CD"
por Chris Bickel

People involved in Punk music love to subject other people involved in Punk music to their idiotic whimsies and pathetic best-left-in-the-journal introspection. They sandwich it between some record reviews and photocopied pleas for the pardon of Mumia Abu Jamal and call it "zines". Being no different than any other self-involved would-be Punk Rock publisher, I too have produced in my lifetime a few such wastes of our Earth's dwindling natural resources. One of my efforts in the world of indiezinedom was called "SNIP". It was just as self-serving and pointless as any other zinester's effort, though gracefully lacking the record reviews, Mumia and PETA xeroxes, and bad emo-introspection/sap. The best thing that "SNIP" had going for it was the cover which featured Alphonso Ribero moonwalking in front of the Statue of Liberty. The "SNIP" logo was the "SPIN" logo cut up and rearranged. I think I managed to xerox about 60 copies of SNIP which were taken along on one of IN/HUMANITY's North American tours. I think I either sold or gave away about 40 copies on that tour. Basically, I had thrown SNIP together in a few hours as a means of getting money for RC Colas and Nip-chees. It served its purpose, as I had all the RC and Nip-chee I required on that trip around the US and Canada. After returning home I wanted to get rid of my remaining copies of SNIP, so I set up a table at a local Hardcore show. On the bill was a local band named STRETCH ARMSTRONG and some other chugga-chugga type acts. One of the bands on the bill was a newer group that I'd never heard of, HATEBREED. I didn't actually care much about who was on the bill, as I am not a huge fan of the type of Hardcore that appeals to overdeveloped gymkata-practicing short-haired jocks in basketball tank-tops . I was just there to unload my remaining zines on some punk kids. After about 20 minutes and having sold only 4 or 5 copies of SNIP I hear the kind of booming beligerent voice one might more likely hear at 3:00 AM in a cowboy bar than at a Veteran's Hall Hardcore show: "Where's the little mikexindy that wrote this shit!?? Are you the little mikexindy that wrote this shit!???" A thicknecked ogre from the band HATEBREED lumbered towards me. "Are you the little mikexindy that wrote this shit?!" "I suppose I am that mikexindy, yes," I replied. I was then blitzed with threats of a severe asskicking at my apparent "dissing" of the band's record label: Victory Records. I was repeatedly called a "mikexindy" for having written an article that poked fun at the business practices of a minor league label trying to run with the big boys. By this time a group of about 30 attendees were surrounding me. The entire band HATEBREED gathered around. Half of the band members tried to argue somewhat less than rationally about the perspective of my article (which essentially reprinted the hilariously corporate-minded promotional "one-sheets" sent to record stores to "shift units" for Victory Records -- with my own smart-ass comments written into the margins). The other half of the band continued to puff their chests and threaten me with severe pummelings. The singer of STRETCH ARMSTRONG physically stepped in between to prevent one of the HATEBREEDERS from physically breaking me in half. I tried my best to casually slouch back in my chair behind my Jackie Onassis black sunglasses and grin. Admittedly I was a Ted apprehensive of a major imminent ass pounding, but the hilarity of the increasingly absurd situation did make it easy to play it off into a coy boyish smile. I held my ground firmly, asserting that Victory Records was trying to sell false ideals of Hardcore being a lifestyle and a "movement", when their press releases to record shops clearly showed that they were no different than CAPITOL or WARNER BROTHERS. Is Hardcore really a youth movement when a record label promises "sniping campaigns in key markets to promote product awareness"? For that matter, what the hell is a "sniping campaign"? Do they send snipers out to the mall stores to shoot anyone that doesn't buy the new EARTH CRISIS CD? When a one-sheet goes out to a record store stating that "violence at shows promotes controversy, and controversy sells records", I feel no less than obligated to speak my mind. The kind of kids that put on shows at Vets Halls are into Hardcore because it means something more to them than an E chord mosh part (or D chord mosh part) and a heavy breakdown. Those are the kids that needed to be informed of the tactics labels like Victory were using on them. My article was printed both for informational purposes, and for the (higher) purpose of me doing something I enjoy: being a fucking smartass. The members of HATEBREED didn't like the article, but I don't know if they were upset over the smartassishness, or the fact that I was revealing the secret marketing strategies of their home label. The singer of HATEBREED, Jamie, was the "thinker" of the bunch and actually listened to my points and offered a few semi-valid rebuttals. Eventually the band backed off because it was their time to play. Every copy of SNIP sold after the fracas, and I smiled to look around the room and see a bunch of kids reading my zine instead of watching HATEBREED's performance. Several months later, HATEBREED returned to Columbia. I wasn't even aware that they were playing in town until I stopped by the record store I owned (NEW CLEAR DAYS) afterhours to pick up a movie to watch. There was a message on the answering machine from the singer of HATEBREED. Apparently, unbeknownst to me, someone had printed flyers up chronicling the events of the previous show and had handed them out at that evening's HATEBREED gig. Basically the flyer accused the band of being homophobic thugs amongst other not-so-nice things. (In the original argument that had taken place between myself and the band, I brought up the term "homophobic" in response to the band member that kept repeatedly calling me a "mikexindy". One of the other members of the band intelligently quipped: "oh he isn't afraid of mikexindys... he just fucking hates them.") The answering machine message went like this:

"Hello, this message is for Chris, this is Jamie from the band HATEBREED. I happen to be the most unforgiving and intolerant member of the band. I also happen to be a homophobe... and I was just calling to try to straighten out this little matter that we have here. Apparently you are distributing some sort of flyer or pamphlet trying to slander us, just like you tried to slander Victory and our friend Raybees in the last little fanzine that you had. Well, we are gonna give you one chance to apologize and straighten this out because we are somewhat, ya know, cool people. You don't know us... You think you know us... you've tried to slander us in this little pamphlet that you put out... All I can say is the other guys in the band don't even wanna talk this out... we don't wanna go to jail while we're in Columbia, but we'd just as soon go to your store and SMASH SHIT IN YOUR FACE AND BREAK EVERYTHING YOU OWN, which we WILL DO if we HAVE TO. I don't know how you handle things around here, but we don't let people go around and spread lies about us and just let them get away with it. Now I'm not saying you made these flyers or whatever, but I don't know who would... and you being the prominent member of the South Caroliona scene that you are, we figured that you are probably behind it. So if you'd like to straigten this matter out give us a call at Chris from STRETCH ARMSTRONG's house... and if you would not like to straigten this out then I hope you don't have any plans on touring, and THIS IS A THREAT, because we don't appreciate this, OK? Thanks."

This tape was dubbed off, had the VILLAGE PEOPLE's "macho man" mixed in behind it and was used as an opening tape for a number of IN/HUMANITY's shows. So I called this guy at the place where they were staying and talked to him for an hour about what was on the flyer. At some point I eventually convinced him that I had absolutely nothing to do with the flyer and that it would not be a good idea to "smash shit in my face and break everything I own." He told me that the band's reaction was "survival"-based, as a flyer like that could damage their "career". As the conversation went on, I almost felt sorry for him as he seemed to be a fairly articulate guy in a band full of orangutans who were pressing him to dish out some street-style justice. Of course I didn't feel too sorry for him, as he did admit to being a homophobe, and he did threaten to destroy my store which was my frigging livelihood, and all of his ridiculous overreacting was based upon a silly article that was in a crappy zine I had thrown together in a few hours and had printed no more than 60 copies of. Later someone gave me an audio bootleg of HATEBREED's Columbia show which featured the all-time-classic between-song-banter: "fuck Chris Bickel, fuck IN/HUMANITY, and fuck SNIP fanzine!" (Crowd cheers). All of this and the fact that I hate chugga-chugga metally Hardcore, that's why I never bought the HATEBREED CD.

chris bickel, na época, era vocalista do in/humanity e depois foi vocalista do guyana punch line. in/humanity, na minha humiRde opinião, é/foi uma das melhores bandas de hardcore/punk que esse mundão já viu. só o fato de eles terem inventado aquela piada do "emo violence", fazendo a criançada toda abraçar o termo como se fosse, de fato, um novo gênero já vale esse posto! hahaha enfim, genialidade sem limites!

3 comentários:

sal disse...

li tudo. hahahaha

Every copy of SNIP sold after the fracas, and I smiled to look around the room and see a bunch of kids reading my zine instead of watching HATEBREED's performance.

ahmed disse...

I have visited this site and got lots of information than other site visited before a month.

work from home

nessa disse...

eu li. com alguns anos de atraso, bem verdade, mas li e amay.